Story time: how Jesus saved my life

Being a private person, I don’t share intimate details about myself very easily. Transparency can be very intimidating, scary, daunting, and everything in between. But today, I’m going to do just that, because when you have a testimony such as mine, you just have to share it. I am sharing this for two reasons; to give God the glory that He deserves in my life, and in hopes that someone reading this will get to encounter God’s love just like I did. So, here it goes, the story of how Jesus saved my life – my perfect, true love story.

I grew up in a Christian home, but I was definitely not a Christian. Like, heavy on the NOT. I only went through the motions of religion for the sake of my parents. I knew OF God, but I didn’t KNOW God. Then, when I was approximately 10-11 years of age, I read a book about hell, got terrified, and ran to my mum to let her know I wanted to be saved because I didn’t want to go to hell. She led me in prayer and I “accepted” Jesus, but, well, it didn’t last. The fear wasn’t enough to make me commit to God fully, and it soon fizzled out. Fear never will be a lasting foundation for faith, but that’s a topic for another day. Anyway, I still lived how I wanted, and I was a Christian in title only. Years later, at around 16 years, I heard a sermon in church. I don’t really remember what the sermon was about or what the preacher said, only that I was convicted and realised that I wasn’t living right and needed Jesus. So I responded to the altar call and gave my life to Jesus. This time was different from the hell scare of before, because this time, I wanted to be saved because I knew I was a sinner and needed Christ, and because of what He did for me on the cross. Yet, sadly, I still drifted away after this. I went off to university at 18 and that’s when it all went downhill.

At university, I was a baby Christian, far away from home, with no Christian community to keep me accountable and help me develop in the faith. Not because there was a lack of churches and fellowships, but because I was a very socially awkward and anxious teenager, which made going to church, or anywhere for that matter, on my own a struggle. The only community in close proximity was a non-Christian one, the people in my dorms, but of course I wanted to make friends and not be alone, so I clung to this community. I was also presented with freedoms that had been withheld from me while growing up, and temptation was all around me. Needless to say, all of this was a lethal combination, ultimately leading to my drift away from God. It got to a point where I even confessed that I was not a Christian, fully giving into a life of sin. However, the things I was doing, you know, all the things that the world promises will make you “happy”, only left me feeling empty and depressed. Sure, I would be happy in the moment, but those feelings proved to be temporary, as I would often be crying my eyes out behind closed doors. I felt a void in my life which I was desperately trying to fill with the things of the world, though it was a God-sized hole, which the Heavenly Father alone could fill.

What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbours, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

Luke 15:4-7

Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there. While I was drowning in misery and sinking deeper and deeper into sin, God was planning to restore me. Years later, at 22, He visited me and called me back, on His own; no preacher, no one around at all, no nothing. I was alone in my room one day when suddenly, His presence came upon me and hit me full force with conviction. I was undone and fell apart, under the weight of His presence and the weight of my sin, wailing and crying uncontrollably. Bear in mind I had been away from everything to do with Christianity for years at that point. Yet, I felt His presence, fell under the Spirit and was even speaking in tongues (note for my non-Christians: this is a mysterious, heavenly language). Words cannot fully explain the experience, His presence was so tangible, and the conviction was so raw. I did a complete 180 that night; I asked for forgiveness and repented, and ran back into His loving arms that had been waiting for me all those years. He replaced my guilt and shame with forgiveness, grace and mercy. Wow!

Naturally, I lost many friends after; I shared that I had accepted Jesus and was changing my lifestyle with a couple friends, and one called me brainwashed, while the other one blocked me. I won’t pretend that this wasn’t painful, but it was expected, as not everyone will understand when Jesus comes into your life, or accept that you cannot live the way you used to. Other friends weren’t so extreme, though I got some sceptical responses, labelling my sudden change as an attempt to appease my family and follow “their religion”. But like I said, no one was present in the moment I came back to God. The sole reason for my transformation is God alone, through the personal encounter I had with Him, and the revelation of His love for me. Genuine salvation isn’t something anyone can force or strongarm someone into. It’s a step you have to take yourself. That said, I’m sure my family were always praying for me.

Final thoughts

I learned some key lessons from this experience:

• If you don’t get to know God intimately and develop your relationship with Him, it will be easy for you to fall away (this one’s for the baby Christians out there)
• Look forward, and don’t dwell on what has been. I often have moments of regret, wishing I knew back then what I know now, which would’ve stopped me from living how I did and turning from God. But I can’t change the past, so I focus on the future God has written for me. My experience is not wasted; I take with me all the lessons I learned, and also share it to help others
• God loves us so much that He will never stop chasing after us; He will always go after the one who has strayed!

For everyone reading this who is yet to accept Jesus, I pray that you also have your own personal encounter and love story to share very soon. He is the best thing that could ever happen to you, and frankly, life is meaningless without Him. Trust me, I know.

xoxo